God's Grace and Alzheimer's

March 23, 2018. That’s the day I lost my grandmother, my dad’s mother. It was late on a Friday night, when my family got a call from my uncle to get over to the house. When my dad, sister, and I arrived at her house she had already transitioned, in her bed, in the same bedroom where we used to kneel down beside her bed to pray to the Lord. My grandmother was 87. On this day, I was seeking God with one question, “Lord, why today? ” Then I remembered what Paul said to Timothy:

“The time of my departure has come” (2 Timothy 4:6).

In the Bible, death is never end of existence, but rather, a separation of the soul from the body. It is departure.

November is National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month, a month that was designated by former President Ronald Reagan in 1983. Alzheimer’s was never something I even imagined someone close to me would be diagnosed with, but I lost my grandmother to his horrible disease. Really, I didn't just lose her when she passed, I lost her over the course of her fight against Alzheimer's. My grandmother, who was strong, loving and who'd previously always been very independent, couldn’t be trusted alone anymore. She couldn’t even dress herself or go to the bathroom anymore without supervision. But, it wasn't until she was losing her memory that I started to realize I was slowly losing my grandmother --- she didn’t know who I was, and she wouldn’t remember me when I'd visit. It's like I became a stranger to her, and, in a sense, my grandmother became a stranger to me. 

There is a difference between normal aging and Alzheimer’s disease. When someone forgets their car keys, it can be a part of the aging process. But if someone is unable to recognize loved ones and confuse relationships with family members like my grandmother, it’s a bad sign. For instance, my grandmother would ask me, “Who is you?” and I would answer, “Shanta, your granddaughter.” ..... My grandmother was drifting away. It was devastating for me, but I can't imagine the way my father, aunt, and uncles must have felt, watching their mother of 87 years become increasingly affected by the disease.

Since my grandmother's passing, and, in the spirit of National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness I have learned a few things from losing a loved one with Alzheimer’s that I felt important to share.

First, if you are a Christian who knows or loves someone with Alzheimer’s, having family support devoted to caring for loved ones with this can make all the difference in the world. Quite honestly, my grandmother had plenty of support, from her children, grandchildren, and the church. However, my grandmother's only daughter, my auntie Jean was her primary caregiver. The kind of love that her children gave her was selfless.

Also, spend as much time with your loved ones all that you can before the disease gets worse. Study the disease; know what is going to happen; and make memories while you can. I will never be able to walk into my grandmother’s home and be greeted by her loving embrace. We will never sing to her on her birthday November 15th, as we have done every year, and we will never visit her house for holidays and random gatherings where we’d find our usual spots in the living room or den and see my grandmother, sitting in her usual chair. We had many special moments and I have several pictures from all of our good times to remember her by, too. These thoughts alone are enough to bring tears to my eyes, but the bottom line is that she is still very much alive.

"For me, living is Christ and dying is gain… I am hard pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better…" (Phil 1:21, 23 NRSV).

No matter what my grandmother's life might have looked like with Alzheimer’s disease, I knew that it was not the end for her --- and I was amazed at how God showed his GRACE. My grandmother may have not remembered familiar people, places, or things, but she remembered GOD, and nothing separated her from the love of God, not even Alzheimer’s.  

Grandmother, I miss you so much and I thank you for shaping me into the Christian woman I am today.