A Survivor's Story

This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and around the world, one in four women will experience some form of abuse from a male partner in her lifetime --- and God forbid, one day you might be one of them. I was one of them and I never thought it would happen to me.

About 8 years ago, I was in an unhealthy relationship for almost two years. There was physical, emotional, psychological abuse, stalking and harassment. We were a few months into our relationship before I saw a different side to him. My family never knew about it until May of 2011. I was embarrassed and I didn't want anyone to know, so I kept the truth from them for a while. I was 28 years old when we began dating, and by the time I finally ended our relationship, I was 29. He continued to call and harass me for a while, but eventually, Jesus rescued me.

There were some red flags in the beginning of the relationship, and I’m not sure that I chose to ignore them or missed them as much as I was forced to believe they were a sign of love --- but that “love” was not loving or safe because he did not know love and did not know God.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8

 

So, in that sense I guess we both didn't love or know God because abuse is not love. Imagine 1 out of every 4 women being in an abusive relationship. Of course, men are also victims of abuse by their partner, but only a minority of victims are men. The main perpetrators of abuse are husbands and boyfriends. According to the Domestic Violence Prevention Center, most women will, on average, attempt to leave an abusive relationship between five and seven times before successfully and permanently doing so. Definitions of abuse and domestic violence can be confusing. A common misperception of domestic violence is that it involves only physical abuse; however, it is clear that for many victims of domestic violence, psychological and emotional abuse is at least as harmful, if not more so than physical abuse. Domestic violence can take a number of forms: physical; emotional; psychological; verbal; and sexual --- but it is not God's will for anyone to be in an abusive relationship.

With October being "Domestic Violence Awareness Month", I think we all know or suspect that someone is a victim of domestic violence. It might be your mother, sister, aunt, friend, or a teen in your youth group who needs a helping hand along with a word of encouragement. It takes amazing courage, but survivors like me can step out of the shadows of their hurtful pasts and bring their stories to light. No part of this is easy. But God is faithful and He is always near to the brokenhearted.

I am a survivor of domestic violence because I cried out to God, and HE was my Rescuer and Deliverer. I am not defined by what has happened to me. I'm defined by what God says about me and because of what He has accomplished on the Cross. And God says I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor and my confidence is in Jesus and I am happy to share my testimony of what He has done in my life to set me free. What does God say to women who are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship? He would say to them: It's never your fault and you don't deserve to be abused. You were created to be loved and cherished and you are of great worth to Him and you are worthy of real love. God is love.